Lately, many people have taken offense to my absence in their lives. I don’t call people much, because I don’t want to talk. I don’t visit people much, because I don’t want to spread negative energy to anyone else and I definitely don’t want to add any negative energy around me.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t pray. It also doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in The Most High. It can be uncomfortable and difficult to speak to spiritual people about because they will basically tell you to just move past it.
The thing I’ve learned about myself while being depressed is that I need to be very mindful and cautious about where my energy goes. Small interactions can weigh heavily on someone with too much on their mind and also cause a conflict. If I’m having a good day and someone says something disrespectful or sideways it might not be a problem. If I’m having a bad day that same comment might be the end of a friendship.
I have a dear friend who suffers from mental health issues from time to time. When she isn’t feeling well, she will call or text me and let me know that she will be dropping off of the grid for a while because she doesn’t want to be bothered.
I don’t like it and I get sad, but I appreciate her letting me know. She is letting me know what is going on, and she is also letting me know that she is OK. Sometimes being supportive isn’t about being physically in front of someone, but being mentally supportive. I support her by listening to her and letting her know that I understood what she said.
When your friend has an issue sometimes yours have to wait.
I understand why this would make someone think that I am being mean, but to be honest I don’t always have the strength to care. When I say what’s going on, that’s what’s going on. Being an introvert I do not feel better by going out or talking about it. I feel better by meditating, praying, and thinking about it. When I don’t have space to think I feel lost and hopeless. I know that’s weird but that’s how I am.
The moral of the story is that I’m going to be OK, but it is going to take some time. Send me prayers and well wishes, please.