Why Low Self-Esteem Could Help You Find A Man

I have a lot of male friends and they give me a lot of insight on their views. Recently I made a post where I touched on the idea that intelligent men love intelligent women. Today I was texting a friend of mine and apparently it’s OK to be smart…just not TOOOO smart.

Is there such a thing as being too smart

It is my opinion that a person who values you will not want to manipulate you. A person who values you will not feel like it is a competition. There are many things that we can blame for this mindset. While I found these messages appalling, I wanted to share them because some men do feel this way. When you don’t get the proposal don’t think something is wrong with you. It is so easy to question yourself and question what you did wrong. All men don’t feel this way, but be mindful of those who do. You are a person and you matter. You shouldn’t have to be ashamed of your intellect or voice to make someone else comfortable.

Is Religion to Blame

As a person who loves Theology, I have to ask myself if some of these ideas ingrained in us from an early age by having a poor understanding of a woman’s role in spirituality. 1 Corinthians 11:12 says “For as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.” Genesis 1:27 says ” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” This seems to say that a woman and a man have equal importance in the sight of God, but then we have scriptures such as 1 Timothy 2:12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. I can see where someone could get the idea from this text that it is better for a woman not to speak, or as the saying goes “be seen and not heard.” The Quran (2:223) says – Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will… A tilth is land. This means that you wives are as your land (property) so approach as you choose. I love God. This is in no way to means that spirituality is bad, but I think when people take pieces, have poor understanding, or take the things that they want to fit their own narrative, hate can arise.

What about our daughters?

When I asked my friend what about our daughters he explained that he would never want his daughter to stifle herself. He would never want her to dumb herself down for anyone. He wants her to be strong and proud. This makes me wonder why is it OK to treat someone else’s daughter in a way that you would not want your daughter to be treated, but then again…I suppose his answer would be that he doesn’t care about someone else daughter. The truth is we are all family. We should not treat others in ways that we do not want people to treat the people that we care deeply for,

The moral of the story is you can be soft, carefree, blowing in the wind, and on fire all at the same time. Don’t allow stereotypes to define you, and don’t allow anyone to dim your light. Keep your fire burning. Someone will appreciate it. Many great women in history have raised their voices, and we were better because of it. What if Angela Davis kept her fist down worried about what men would think. There is no such thing as being too smart, but there is such a thing as allowing yourself to keep company with someone who doesn’t appropriate the gift of your intelligence.


  1. MikaMajor says:

    This conversation right here, CHILD! I was just having a conversation this morning with someone who is being controlled by “church,” I absolutely believe that the mindset of Black Church reinforces the notion that women are to be used and controlled. I am not playing dumb for anyone! Understand, I have in the past but thank God for growth, change, and maturity. I pray for my sisters and I pray that a massive awakening takes place, one that will empower women and the men they love. Our community needs help, ASAP

    Liked by 1 person

    1. heyyfriend says:

      I agree. I think too often the church teaches people that they shouldn’t ask questions. Anytime you are trying to get an understanding about anything you have to ask questions. You have to see if something is aligning with what you know to be right. We have a history of not questioning things that needs to be corrected! I had to post these because I know many men who do feel the same as my friend. I appreciate his honesty, but I detest what he is being honest about.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. DelCarmen says:

    This sounds like the opinion of an insecure man (I’ll pray for him). The alternative…choose a man who is completely secure and does not repeat this ignorance smh.


    1. heyyfriend says:

      Yes! This is true. Not all men think this way, but it is good to be cautious of those who do. I’m pretty sure my friends partner is not aware that he shares these views.


  3. Theresa Lanice says:

    I’m so tired of men thinking that we are the lesser sex… we need to be quiet and we need to know our place! My biggest pet peeve is the ancient thinking of women being homemakers YET men still want us to work! No! I do what I can but don’t expect a 3 course meal 5 days a week if I also have to work 40 hrs! Us women also have valid opinions and we want respect shown to us not belittle our thoughts! Most people that I know who are intelligent are women. Although, I value men’s opinions it would be nice if they could also reciprocate. Most alpha men twist the Bible in their favor, and I like the idea of submission (they LOVE that one) but it has to be to a leader not someone who’s going to lead us into some BS! The roles are changing now women are on the same level playing field as men but they don’t wanna let go of the old ways.


    1. heyyfriend says:

      I agree friend. I think submission goes both ways. The Bible was divinely inspired by men. They wrote the scriptures from their perspectives. In those times, the idea of appreciating a woman’s point of view was less than important. The idea that the fact that you were born male gives you the power to manipulate or exploit another being is not of The Most High. A man secure in himself will appreciate all that you are, and for that you can appreciate all that he is too!


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